Another Week!

Well I decided after my impromptu post last week that I really needed to become more regular with my posting...so much goes through my mind each week and I never record it in any way. My friend Jenny gave me a lovely journal for Christmas this year and it sits beside my bed looking very pretty but without a word recorded each week. For someone who regularly kept journals prior to children, and in the early years of parenting, this is something that frustrates me. This week is another usual week for me...I get to the end and feel like I've achieved nothing, but in fact have been quite productive. At present I'm feeling extremely lost...not really sure what my ambitions are and what direction I really want my life to take. It goes without saying that my priority role each week is as a mother. I need to care for my children..make sure they are safe, fed and loved. This is a box I tick each week. But what is left after that? What is it that I'm trying to achieve? I need to work...or rather I need to be bringing some income into the family coffers. My husband made a life changing decision nearly two years ago to leave the security of his career...for many and varied reasons that I won't go into on my blog. I have so much admiration for my husband for the values he upholds in his career and am constantly amazed by his achievements. He is loving his new career and being able to do what he wants to do the way he wants to do it. Unfortunately it has meant of loss of financial security to pay the bills and keep our heads above water. We don't live an extravagant life, but one of our greatest expenses is that our children attend a private school. It is something that if we can avoid changing it we will. If I can work purely to pay for that, then I will. Even without that, I feel like I am ready to go back to work...I want to go back to work and feel like I'm contributing something to our finances. I recently spent three works working at the chambers where my husband has an offer and I LOVED it!. Granted, I knew that it was for three weeks and that after that the receptionist would be returning from her holiday. Maybe that made the whole scenario easier to bare. I finished at 2.30-3 o'clock every day and was therefore able to be home in the afternoon with the kids. My husband did take a little more care in his schedule to help out around the house. I felt that we worked together as a team, more so than we usually do. My husband told me that he thought I was a happier person when I was working. I haven't worked full-time since my eldest child was born 12 years ago. When contemplating returning to the workforce I did feel like I was starting at the beginning again and turned my thoughts to how I have spent the last 12 years and what would I like to do. I was competent at my last job, more than competent I thought, but it wasn't something I felt a desire to return to. Also we are finding it hard to get our head around what will our children do in the school holidays if I am working full time. Once thing I've loved over the last 12 years is supporting my children in their schooling. I was always the first to volunteer to help in the classroom, much to my friend's dismay...why didn't I take some time for myself...go and have a coffee. To me it wasn't a chore, it was something I was happy to do. For this reason I enrolled with TAFE to complete the Certificate III in Education Support. I really enjoy my placement days at school. The whole TAFE side of things to me seems very disorganised and whole lot of red tape you have to go through to get a piece of paper that will tell me I am qualified to do the job, when in reality it is 'on the job' experience that teaches you the most. As much as our Government promised to put more funding into, it now seems that there is little funding going into teacher support roles. What is most disheartening at the moment is the difficulty in even getting an interview for a job. I've applied for a few jobs, I'll admit I have been selective in what I am applying for, but to date haven't even been selected for an interview. A job I recently applied for in a school, in an administrative position, there were well over 300 applicants. I do know of someone who managed to get an interview, and is even down to the second interview panel, and who I know blatantly lied about recent job experiences. She hasn't worked in over 5 years, but knows someone who said "say that you've been working for me". It is so disheartening, because I can't compete with that. I am honest and always will be. I have even enquired about night fill at the local supermarket, they have a list a mile long and aren't taking on anyone new. I feel like i'm 17 again...can't get a job without experience but can't get experience without a job. Who knows what 2013 will hold for me job wise, but for now will just try and soldier on and hope that good fortune will smile upon our family. I do know in the grand scheme of things we are better off than most, so I try not to think 'woe is me' and 'keep on swimming' as Nemo tells us to!