Woke up pretty tired this morning. My darling girl decided to keep me awake until 2.30am. Not really sure why she wouldn't sleep, she seemed restless. It may be a new molar, she has really been chewing on her fingers a bit. You really know they are growing up when they tell you that they need medicine!
We had a family bbq today to celebrate E's 2nd birthday. Both my brothers and their girlfriends came, and of course little Shanti Lee. Geoff's sister Michelle and her partner Chris came from Brisbane which was great that they could come, because Geoff only rang Michelle last night, nothing like leaving things to the last minute. Geoff's mum and her husband are still on holidays in Sri Lanka, hopefully having a safe holiday, after reading the Sunday papers I have my fingers crossed. Nanny Sheila was here of course. Heather and Merv came too. Luckily there wasn't heaps of rain, we still ate inside though which was a little squishy.
Its great that the kids get so excited when family comes to visit.
I would like that to be a regular thing to happen with our family. All it takes is for everyone to spend some time together for those bonds to form. Already the kids are very excited to have their own little cousin, and hopefully they will play well together when they are older.
I had a good relationship with my cousins Kylie and Michael growing up and remember lots of good times. When I see them now I really enjoy spending time with them.
I have always gotten along well with my brothers, just the usual sibling disagreements over the years but nothing major. I like them both as people and I also like their partners. It is comforting to know that they both have good relationships.
I think about it a lot since my father passed away, keeping a family unit together, particularly for my mother. It is no secret that I didn't have a good relationship with my father, that as the years went by it just deteriorated more and more. We were barely on speaking terms, and there weren't too many kind words spoken in the years leading up to his passing.
It is something I will always wish was different. I know that he didn't have a particularly close relationship with his siblings in his lifetime. There was a very large age gap that I think played a part. I also think that he didn't come from a very loving family environment. I gathered this from things that he had said himself over the years. He spoke very fondly of his mother, but other than that he didn't speak glowingly of his growing up. This is a cycle that I would like to break. I make sure that I tell my children every day that I love them. That was not something that came naturally to me, probably because I wasn't brought up that way.
Sadly, my Dad's death has made me think a lot more about why he was the way he was with me. Maybe just extremely over-protective and didn't know the right way to deal with a daughter, and found it easier with sons.
I look at my brother's little girl, and wonder how excited he would have been when she was born. He never showed any interest in my children, or should I say never showed any interest to me in my children. I found that really hurtful. I look at my own children and I can't imagine a time when I would treat them the way he treated me.
My kids are lucky that they have their Nanny Sheila, who just adores them and they equally adore her. Geoff's sister has always been interested in our kids, and they have a good relationship. My brothers are showing more of an interest these days as the kids are getting older. I would like as they get older to be able to do things for each other and support each other.
I don't know that if my father was still here anything would be any different. He still wouldn't come to family bbqs and we probably still wouldn't really be talking to each other. I will always wish it was different, but I know it never will be.
I am glad that when he was in the hospital I got to tell him that I loved him. It is a shame that it took that moment in time for me to realise how much I loved him. My only wish is that I could have know how he truly felt about me. I am sure that the answer to that is that he really did love me, but why was he not able to show me.
Wow that is a real deep and meaningful post, it was just meant to be a post about my little girl's birthday.
Lucky Jenny is the only one that reads my blurb!!
BBQ was great, and I think that E now knows what birthdays are, and she liked the presents and the cake.
Will post a photo of the cake we had today. I was really pleased with how it looked.
E was really excited because she got a new DVD of "In the Night Garden" which is her absolute favourite thing at present.
Michelle gave her some really cool t-shirts too that she likes.
She really is becoming a little princess and picks her own clothes for the day, I don't really get to have a say. A friend did tell me when she was born to dress her the way I wanted because once she got her own voice, I wouldn't have a say anymore.
Anyway I really have prattled on way too much.
Am off to bed.